Until I'm Broken
by LiveLaughGlee
Summary: Before Valentine's Day of their sophomore year, Jake and Marley had the perfect relationship. But then Jake's best friend does the unimaginable and Marley can't decide which boy she loves. Three hearts are broken and Jake isn't the only thing to snap.
1. Uncomplicated

"_I don't believe there is any uncomplicated love in this world."_

_- Yoon Seul (Secret Garden) -_

"Ryder kissed me." Marley admitted, feeling a wave of relief flow through her as if her shoulders were now free from carrying a weight since a few days ago. As she thought about how Jake's smile faltered only slightly, she decided she needed to continue. After all, it wasn't as if Ryder was the only one who had taken part in the kiss. "And I let him."

If Jake had told her the same story with Kitty as the subject, Marley would have been devastated. She'd have cried for weeks, blubbering to her mom and Unique about how much she hated how much she still loved him. The thought alone made her want to cry but Marley shook the thought from her head before it could consume her. Jake was the one with the right to be upset. He was the victim.

With a few shakes of his head, he was racing towards the door. As much as Marley tried to get him to stay, he was gone. She imagined he'd be gone for a lot longer than she was used to. The longest fight they'd had had really only lasted a few hours when she had caught him looking at the butt of her rival, Kitty. But after about an hour she was right back where he wanted her: wrapped around his little finger.

It wasn't that Marley didn't see his faults. When he got mad, he could be as scary as the Hulk. But to her, he was perfect. Besides, judging him on his faults would never be fair seeing as compared to hers, they were almost nonexistent. Anger was a normal emotion. Marley's sometimes very noticeable weight gain was a problem. And that was the difference between her and Jake that mattered to her. Everything else was perfect.

Ryder on the other didn't seem real. He was too perfect, too clean, and way too nice. As far as she could see he had no flaws and that was a problem. How could she rely on him to be an honest boyfriend if he lived his life as if it were a lie? There was absolutely no way he could be living as perfect a life as he was putting on. There was no way. And that fact alone is what made her cringe sometimes when she thought of dating him.

But the way he tasted and those abs and that-

_No_, she told herself before her thoughts drifted too much. Jake was perfect for her. They were both flawed, both experienced enough in heartbreak to know not to hurt each other, to know how much they _ could_ hurt each other.

She'd even convinced herself long ago that if he were to break up with her she wouldn't be able to think of herself in any way but gross. The thought alone was enough to drive her to purge. If Jake didn't like her, then who would? And if something tragic happened and he ended up dead, she wouldn't be able to go on. Death would be the only answer. Crazy, she knew. But it was the truth because without Jake she was nothing.

"Hey uh Marley?" A boy's voice sounded throughout the room. Marley wanted to roll her eyes but he sounded so nervous that she couldn't. He was another boy she knew she couldn't hurt. "Can I- can I just talk to you for a sec?"

As much as she wanted to say no because the longer she spent with him, the less time she'd have for Jake, she nodded her head and sat back down. The clay on her hands was making it difficult to really function but she motioned for him to sit in the stool next to her. As he did, she wondered if she imagined the feel of his hands accurately. She wondered if he really would have kissed her like she imagined he would have.

That was an entirely different thing that made Marley nervous. Jake was predictable. She always knew when he wanted her to kiss him and when he only wanted her to hold his hand. Ryder was different. He took chances and risks, never allowing himself to be predicted. Marley wasn't sure if it made him attractive or not, so she tried, instead, to focus on his words.

"I just want to say I'm sorry about what I did." Ryder started, pausing to, what seemed like, judge her reaction. Marley couldn't tell though because like previously stated, Ryder was unpredictable and dangerous. Her eyes fluttered towards his face and she was sure she looked confident, but with his next words she reconsidered. "Do you… do you want me to be sorry?"

Marley sighed and ran her hand through her hair without thinking. The clay stuck to it like glue on paper and instantly she felt like an idiot. It was as if every ounce of her mother's intelligence skipped Marley and left her without a brain. "I want you to go back in time and undo it."

Ryder's eyes shut for a few brief seconds and he looked absolutely crushed. It seemed to Marley that he was waiting for her to tell him not to be sorry, that he was waiting for her to ask him to do it again. But she didn't ask him in the first place. He just took advantage of her kindness and that's inexcusable. Marley didn't want someone who took advantage of her emotions like that.

But he looked so sad and lost without her and that feeling in her stomach just-

_No._ She repeated in her head until she was able to focus on Ryder again without wondering what his lips tasted like now. Back stage of Grease they had been soft and comforting but yesterday they had been forceful and demanding. Ryder had passion.

But Jake was comfortable and Marley needed stability not passion.

"I don't really know what I was-." Ryder started until Marley cut him off quickly. She wasn't sure why but the more he talked, the more she seemed to want to stop him by kissing him. At least now by interrupting with words she wouldn't be cheating on Jake more than she already has.

"Ryder, stop." Marley demanded, standing up as she heard Ryder suck in a breath. "What you did sucks and I want to hate you for it but I don't and that's maybe the most frustrating part of this situation."

"I'd totally understand if you hate me." Ryder mumbled, his shoulders slumping slightly as if he were completely defeated. "I just got caught up in the moment and I swear it won't happen again and about Jake-."

"He knows." She interrupted once more and just like before, Ryder's shoulders slumped and an almost disappointed frown overtook his features. Why did she feel so guilty? Why did his feelings appear to matter more than hers did? Maybe Marley really was selfless.

Somehow that assumption didn't seem practical to her anymore. Sure, maybe there was a time when she was selfless but after the recent events that took place, she couldn't be sure. She hurt Ryder without even knowing it. She strung him along and now she was crushing him. And Jake was devastated somewhere in the hallway and she didn't want him to break up with her, although he deserved better. Selfless didn't belong in the same sentence as her name.

"Does he hate me?" Ryder asked, looking up finally. Marley searched his eyes for something other than disappointment but she was left upset with her findings. He looked as if she told him he had cancer and only had a few days to live. How did she even have that effect on him?

She shrugged her shoulders and in response he offered her a nod. It was a halfhearted nod but she'd take it if it was all he wanted to give her right now. With a tiny dejected wave he left the room, leaving her to her thoughts. Between trying to fathom how everything got to be so complicated and trying to figure out how Ryder was able to smell _that_ good, she was left with a headache that she knew wasn't going to be easy to get rid of.

**X X X **

**Before I piss off any Jarley fans, this is not going to be a Jarley fic. It will be somewhat centered **_**around**_** Jarley but it is a Ryley fic. I just think that needs to be said before I get more angry PMs. That being said, Jarley WILL play a major part in this story. If you think you won't like it, then I'm sorry but you don't have to read it. **

**Thank you for being awesome. :) REVIEW please!**


	2. Danger

"_Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive."_

_- Josephine Hart –_

Marley looked out her car window at the dark house in front of her. She'd parked here before, in this same exact spot, but this time it felt different. It was different. Normally she had a smile on her face and pep in her step. This time, she had an apology planned out masked with a lot of begging. She'd originally planned on blaming Ryder because he was the one who caught her off guard. But now as she thought back to their conversation, she realized she couldn't do that.

With a sigh, she climbed out of her car and made her way up the familiar walkway being careful not to step on anything that may break. Toys littered the path and she felt like a soldier trying to avoid landmines. When she reached the door, she tapped on it gently. He was going to answer. He had to answer. His mom was at work and his dad was off somewhere else trying his best to avoid child support payments. The only other person old enough to answer the door was Jake.

Within seconds the door opened and a groan escaped his lips. "I don't want to talk to you right now."

"I'm really sorry." Marley mumbled, pulling a little tub of his favorite ice cream from her purse. Chowing down on ice cream was their thing and had been since the night she fainted on stage. He wanted to show her that it didn't matter if she _was_ fat even if at the moment she was skinny. She'd always be beautiful to him. So he bought her ice cream and put on a movie and now it was tradition. "I know you don't believe me but it's true."

His eyes scanned her being and she felt herself shiver under his gaze. A smirk played at his lips before he finally broke into a grin. Reaching forward, he grabbed her hand and dragged her into the house. Before she knew it, she was being pushed up against a wall and his lips were on hers.

It was spontaneous, like the kiss with Ryder had been, and she loved it. Although Ryder's kiss had been far less forceful and it didn't hurt as much as Jake's, it made her smile that Jake cared enough to surprise her this way. Ryder had put his hand on her neck to support her head. Jake's hands were currently wandering her body as if he was looking for gold. Maybe he was. Either way, it made Marley uncomfortable and she had to push him away, much to his disappointment.

"Come on, Marley." Jake groaned, rolling his head back as if she had just caused him the deepest pain he'd ever felt. She wasn't sure why but to her he seemed far more disappointed now than he did when she told him Ryder had kissed her. "How long are we going to have to wait for this?"

She hated how complicated she seemed to make things. First she led Ryder on. Then she broke Jake's heart and now she seemed to be breaking it all over again. Why was she so selfish? Why couldn't she just give in to instincts and let Jake explore her body? She wasn't sure why but the thought alone made her shiver and she began rubbing her arms slightly.

"I just- I want to wait a little longer." She mumbled biting her lip as his eyes narrowed slightly.

"Marley," Jake sighed, reaching out to cup her face lovingly. She relaxed into his touch and smiled against his palm. "You love me, don't you?" When she nodded, he continued. "Kissing Ryder doesn't prove that."

Marley rolled her eyes and sighed, throwing one of her hands on the top of her head so she could rub her hair to avoid screaming. "I've apologized for that."

He approached her again and bent down so his lips were almost touching hers. "Show me how sorry you are."

"Jake, I-I…" She started to protest but his lips were already attacking hers. At first she managed to convince herself that she was just being stubborn. This is normal. Feeling nervous is normal. Jake loved her; he wouldn't hurt her. But as his hands started to roam her body and find their way to the button of her pants, her nerves got the best of her. She twisted her face to the side so his lips were no longer on her lips, but instead on her neck. "Jake, stop. I don't want to do this right now."

"Sh..." He whispered against her skin. She was relieved when one of his hands stopped playing at her jeans, but instead of backing away from her, he used it to turn her face back towards him. "It'll be over soon."

She lost the ability to breathe. She couldn't even scream. The only thing she could do was cry as his fingers managed to force her jeans towards he ankles. As he refocused on her underwear this time, she tried one last time to get him off of her. Her arms were weak and he didn't listen to her words, so there was only one thing left to do. With one swift kick of her legs, he keeled over giving her the room to pull her pants back up to her waist.

"Fucking bitch." Jake spat as he glared up at her from the floor. Her face softened and she instantly felt bad for the position she put him in. Was she just being stubborn? Overreacting? But before she could apologize, he was up on his feet with a look of pure anger on his face. "You think that's funny?"

"N-no. I-I was just… I asked you to stop." She whispered helplessly as he pinned her to the wall again. "You wouldn't.. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" He repeated, his tone dry and dangerously low. "I'll show you how it feels to be _sorry." _

She barely had enough time to scrunch her eyebrows in confusion before his palm collided with her cheek. Instinctively, she moved her hand to her face in an attempt to cool her skin down. It was burning. As she looked at him with wide eyes, she watched his face transform from that of anger to that of regret. But before she could hear his apologies, she was out the door and running towards her car.

She didn't know what had happened, but she didn't like it. What had she done to deserve that?

**X X X **

**The chapters will get a little longer than this one; I just thought that this was a good place to stop. Thanks for reading and please keep reviewing!**

**Love, Kaylie**


	3. Paradox

"_I have found the paradox; that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only love." _

_- Mother Teresa –_

Marley walked into her history class the next Monday being very careful not to draw too much attention to herself. It wasn't that hard considering she had never been one to demand attention anyway. It was a theory of hers that if she were to walk in naked or in a neon outfit, nobody would even glance at her. She was truly a wallflower.

But there were two people who saw her; who looked right at her and recognized her as a person, not just some nobody that floated through life. Maybe that's why she had been drawn to both of them, because they _saw_ her, or maybe she really was just the attention whore that Kitty claimed she was.

"Hey Marley." A boy practically whispered as he took his assigned seat in front of her. Without thinking, she looked up and offered him a small smile, only realizing the error of her ways when his smile fell into a frown. "What happened?"

Marley self-consciously grazed her finger tips over her bruise before looking down at the books in front of her. She _knew_ somebody would eventually notice her cheek; she had just hoped that it'd be after she had enough time to think of an excuse. "Oh I just- well it's really a pathetic story. I was-."

"Alright guys, take out your homework and pass it forward." Mr. Schuester commanded upon entering the room. Normally, she would have been annoyed by his tardiness considering she had been written up last semester for the exact same reason, but now she was thankful for his interruption. As much as she was relieved, she was also entirely annoyed with herself for forgetting to do the assignment. "Marley, no homework today?"

"I uh… well…" She started to mumble. Why was she having such a hard time lying today? First with Ryder and now with Mr. Schue. It didn't make sense. She always lied, or at least embellished the truth. It's partially why she was able to keep to herself in the first place.

"I have her homework." Ryder interrupted, turning around to show Mr. Schuester the piece of paper that was in his hands. As his teacher looked over the sheet of paper, Ryder shot Marley a small smile. "I thought we were passing it to the front."

Mr. Schuester looked between the two before nodding his head. Neither of them had ever given him a reason to doubt them. "Alright. Where's your homework?"

"I left it at home." Ryder mumbled quickly, watching as his teacher frowned. "I can bring it in tomorrow though."

Sighing, Mr. Schuester rubbed his forehead. "Ryder, your grades are already low. You need to complete your homework so I can level it out and at least give you a C."

Marley looked down at her books again feeling ashamed that she let Ryder lie on her behalf. She knew he struggled with his grades. She knew about his dyslexia. And what if he spelled words wrong in his homework that she had now just claimed? Then they'd both get in trouble for cheating.

As if sensing her worries, he turned around and whispered, "Don't worry. You can just do the assignment during free period and we can switch it out with mine during Glee rehearsal. You just have to type it so it looks the same as mine."

"Why are you being so nice?"

He licked his lips and shook his head making her wonder if he knew the answer himself. With a shrug of his shoulders he mumbled, "Because I owe you" before he turned around to listen to Mr. Schue start his lecture on the history of Mexico.

Marley, though, couldn't force herself to pay attention. She was stuck wondering why Ryder and Jake did the things they did. Ryder had just been led on and she was to blame for that. But why was he being so nice _now_, even after she had been honest with him? It didn't make sense.

And Jake claimed he loved her but then hit her, which she was ready to take blame for as well. His wants were innocent and normal but her fear was irrational. It wasn't his fault that she was such a prude. That was all on her. What didn't make sense though was why he was continually texting her begging for forgiveness.

He deserved better than she could ever give him.

Somehow, enough time passed and the bell sounded, dismissing them from class. Mr. Schue assigned an optional homework that he said had the power to boost anyone's grade if they wanted it. Marley was sure it was just for Ryder, though, and considering the circumstances, she decided she should help him complete the extra credit assignment.

"Hey Ry!" She called after him in the hallway. He stopped almost immediately and turned to give her a smile, one that was difficult to return. "I just wanted to say thank you again for what you did in there."

He smirked slightly and shook his head. "You didn't say thank you a first time."

"Oh well, then thank you." She giggled, finding it slowly getting easier for her to joke and kid around with him again. They used to do it all the time before things got all messed up. She wondered if her joking with him was what made him think he could kiss her in the first place. With a shake of her head, her smile disappeared. "I want to make it up to you by helping with the extra credit assignment."

He chuckled and shook his head, slightly. "You don't have to do that. It's just a poster board. Even I can't mess that up."

"Well I have some art stuff at my house so if you come over after school we can make sure your poster board is nice and pretty." She smiled at him and turned to walk away. Down the hallway, Jake was currently standing at her locker staring at them with a look of jealousy in his eyes. Quickly, she turned back to Ryder and offered him another smile. "That's an order, Mr. Lynn."

She heard him laugh before turning to walk the other way and she could picture the dorky smile that was most likely on his face. But all thoughts of Ryder vanished once she approached Jake. Softly, she pushed him away so she could put in the combination to her locker in order to retrieve her gym clothes.

"What the hell was that?" Jake demanded, the tone of his voice causing goose bumps to form on her skin. "I accidentally nudge you at my house and you go and fuck him right away?"

Marley gasped and looked around at all the people who could be potentially listening. She was not one to have sex with random people and she didn't want her peers to think that. "I was just being nice to him, Jake." She whispered as she slammed her history textbook into the back of the locker. "And you didn't _nudge_ me. You _smacked_ me… on purpose."

He chuckled dryly as he shook his head at her, waiting for her to finish grabbing her gym stuff. "If I smacked you it would have left a mark."

"And what do you call this?" She challenged, pointing to the discolored patch on her cheek bone. Instantly, his face softened and he reached out to softly rub his thumb over it. She wasn't mad at him and she hated the fact that she just yelled at him. All he was doing was being her boyfriend, a caring, loving boyfriend. He didn't deserve to be yelled at. "I'm not mad at you."

"I'm so sorry, Marls." He whispered, pulling her into a tight hug. "I just don't like seeing you with him."

"Don't you trust me?" She asked while shutting her locker quietly. As if they had no care in the world, they laced fingers and walked with smiles on their faces all the way to the gym.

"I did," he responded with a slight shrug of his shoulders, "until you kissed him."

"I'm not going to let that happen again," was all she could say because that's the truth. Ryder was her friend. That's it. Friend. "I love _you_ so much it hurts sometimes."

He flushed red before his eyes wandered towards her cheek. "I really am sorry, babe."

"It doesn't matter to me anymore." She whispered as she leaned up towards his lips. Smiling, she kissed him sweetly before pulling away. "It's just proof of how much you love me."

"I love you a lot." He mumbled against her forehead before he turned around and started jogging towards his health class. She watched him until he disappeared behind a door not too far away.

"Miss Rose, you have two minutes to get changed before I have to mark you late!" Coach Bieste bellowed as she passed Marley to get into the locker room. With a slight roll of her eyes, she followed after her and got changed as quickly as she could.

All was right in the world, at least for a while.

**X X X **

**So is Jake really sorry enough to stop being such a jerk? Hmmm… who knows? Well I do but whatever. **

**Thanks so much to everyone who reads and reviews! It means to world to me! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please keep reviewing :) I honestly makes my day. **


	4. Invisible

"_Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye." _

_- H. Jackson Brown Jr. –_

"So tell me why this even matters?" Ryder asked after he finished gluing the last letter to 'Cinco De Mayo'. Upon hearing her sigh, he looked up and smiled at her for a couple seconds. It was making her uncomfortable but she continued to cut out a box surrounding information about how businesses 'Americanized' the date and spun it to mean something it wasn't.

"Because it'll boost your grade." She responded simply as she handed him the little slip of paper. "That's all that matters."

He chuckled a little before focusing his attention on gluing the paper down in the spot Marley said would look best. She watched as he scrunched his eyebrows and stuck his tongue out. It made her heart flutter when he smiled afterwards like a little kid who had just scored his first goal. Smiling, she shook her head as he looked up and caught her staring.

"I'm not so sure the Mexicans would appreciate that, Miss Rose." Ryder said, reminding her of what they were doing before she had gotten distracted. She rolled her eyes and playfully nudged him before she looked at the time. It had only felt like they had been working for a little over twenty minutes but in reality 3 hours had gone by. She looked over at the poster and disappointment overtook her when she noticed that all that needed to be added was Ryder's name.

"I'll be sure to apologize to them later." She mumbled in response, looking up at him with a smile on her face. "I promise."

He chuckled a little and looked down at the poster. "Thanks again for helping me. This would have taken me all night if it weren't for you. I owe you."

"I'm happy to help." Marley responded as she stood up even though she wanted to argue. He didn't owe her anything and she wondered how long it'd take him to realize that. "The glue is going to take a while to dry so if you want, I can just bring it in tomorrow."

He nodded his head and smiled. Without another word, he stood up and grabbed his backpack and started walking towards the door. She watched as he reached out to turn the knob and suddenly she wanted nothing more than to reach out to him.

"Wait." She called a little too loudly, shutting her eyes forcefully as she realized how desperate that must have sounded. "I uh… I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to help me with a song to sing in Glee on Friday?"

He sighed and smiled a little, but she could tell from his eyes that his smile was fake. "You don't have to do this Marley. I'm sure Jake is already pissed at you for hanging out with me today."

"He's not." She answered a little too quickly, shaking her head to further prove her point. His eyes searched hers and she felt more vulnerable in that moment than she had at any other point in her life. "I just figured since you're here… or if you don't want to, we could just watch TV or something."

"Marley…" He breathed out and she felt her eyes starting to water. She wasn't even sure why. It was just Ryder. And he was just going home. But for some reason, the thought of him leaving scared her. If he left now, would he ever really come back?

"I just miss you, Ryder." She mumbled after a few seconds. It appeared to have caught his attention because within seconds his backpack was on the floor again.

Chuckling, he shook his head. "You're joking, right? I mean you have to be kidding."

She wasn't sure why he thought this was funny. In fact, the fact that he was able to chuckle about this just made her angry. How could he act like this wasn't completely devastating? She missed him as a friend; how is that something to laugh at? It wasn't.

"I never went anywhere, Marls." He mumbled as he sat back down on the couch next to her. "You were there last week, weren't you? When I told you it was for real?" She nodded and licked her lips, suddenly feeling awkward being here with Ryder after what happened. Now, she just wanted him to leave. Jake already admitted he didn't trust her. She had no intention of making it worse. "I wasn't lying and if you want me to just be your friend, that's what I'll be because it _was for real._"

Biting her bottom lip, Marley stood up and ran a hand through her hair instantly feeling bad when he sighed. She turned towards him and saw his head was in his hands. "Don't- just don't _say_ that."

"I'm just telling the truth, Marley." He grumbled as he looked up at her. "I just… I thought that since you came to my locker that maybe you... I don't know… I just thought that maybe you felt the same way."

"Well I didn't." She snapped as she stood in front of him, her eyes narrowed in his direction. How dare he bring all of this up _now_? She was risking everything with Jake to hang out with him as friends and he brings up everything she hated thinking about? "…and I still don't."

"I know that now." Something about the way he said it made Marley's heart break more than it already had. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. I just wanted you to know that I'm not going to stop talking to you just because you don't like me like I like you. I don't want to lose you as a friend."

Biting her lip, she looked down at him staring up at her with a look of pure innocence in his eyes. He truly was like a little puppy and yelling at him just didn't feel right. Besides, it had been her fault. In some ways she assumed that maybe Jake hitting her was exactly what she deserved. He promised to never do it again and she trusted that. She trusted him even if he could never learn to trust her the same way he had before Valentine's Day.

"Are we ever going to be the way we were before?" She asked quietly as she sat down on the couch next to him again. It made her shiver the way their shoulders brushed up against each other, but she eventually relaxed and turned to face him. He was already looking at her by that time.

He smiled and nodded his head. "I hope so."

Marley reached forward and grabbed the remote from the table before flicking it on. After a short debate over which show was better, they decided on 'Friends'. Quite honestly, if he wanted to watch anything else she would have agreed because just having him next to her was reason enough to make her happy.

"You never told me what happened to your face." Ryder mentioned as he threw some more pieces of popcorn into his mouth. He had bought a bag at lunch but hadn't eaten it and now seemed as good a time as any.

"I dropped my phone on my face when I was texting Jake last night." She responded, feeling proud of herself for finding the perfect excuse. Ryder chuckled and she instantly let herself relax. Lying to Ryder wasn't easy but Jake apologized and he meant it. If Ryder found out he'd only freak out and Jake didn't deserve that.

"So he really isn't mad that I'm here?" Ryder asked suddenly as the thought popped into his head.

"Nope." Marley mumbled before smiling a little bit. "But only because he doesn't know you're here."

Ryder laughed a little and shook his head. "Rebel Marley. I like it."

As the words left his mouth her heart fluttered in a way that only happened with Jake on occasion. It seemed that everything Ryder Lynn did made her heart race. She wasn't sure why and she certainly didn't care for it at all. Didn't her heart realize that her _boyfriend_ was the one who was supposed to have that effect on her?

But Ryder Lynn was different and she wasn't sure why.

**X X X **

**Yay! Finally a Ryley-centered chapter! Woo. Thanks so very much for the comments, favorites, and follows. It means the world to me that you guys care enough to **_**read**_** this, let alone comment. You guys are truly amazing. I hope this chapter didn't disappoint.**

**Thanks again and please keep reviewing! Let me know what you think. :)**


	5. Halfway

"_A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him."_

_- Brendan Francis –_

She sat at his kitchen table playing absently with the napkin that was resting in front of her. She and Jake had planned on going to a movie this afternoon but those plans fell through when Jake received some bad, devastating news. Of course, it wasn't as devastating as he was making it out to be. No one died. No one was sick. No one knocked on the door claiming to be his long lost relative of sorts.

But it was still enough to make him upset so it was enough to make her want to listen.

"I just can't believe that Puck is going out with that bitch, though." Jake muttered and Marley could have sworn it was the fifteenth time he had mentioned that to her. "Doesn't he know she's just my sloppy seconds?"

That was another thing that bothered Marley, not that missing the movie she'd been waiting to see bothered her _that_ much. Since when was it ok to complain about who your exes moved on with? She was sure that Jake had no feelings for the blonde cheerleader but the thought was always in the back of her mind. Kitty was flawless. She was skinny and confident. Marley was insecure and constantly craving attention. Why would he want to be with her when Kitty would always be right there?

And now those thoughts were just confirmed because she was sure that he was more upset with the fact that Kitty was in a relationship than he was about Puck being the guy she was with.

"Everyone needs love." Marley offered quietly in a subtle attempt to make him realize he was still in the room. It didn't appear to be very subtle though.

He turned and narrowed his eyes in her direction. "Not Kitty. After everything she did to me? I can't believe you'd defend her."

Marley stopped playing with the napkin and looked up at him in disbelief. Had he not been there when Kitty convinced her she was fat? Wasn't he there when Marley passed out on stage in front of _everyone_ because Kitty convinced her to push her fingers down her throat? And he had the right to ask if Marley knew when Kitty had done to him? Spreading a stupid rumor about his three nipples that nobody believed anyway?

But instead of screaming, she sighed and allowed herself to relax. He hadn't meant it that way. Plus, he was obviously upset which is something she could understand because she was upset a lot these days. "I'm not defending her."

"Sure fooled me." He grumbled, throwing one of their plates into the sink a few minutes later. Not surprisingly, it broke and Marley was both thankful and worried. The crash seemed to slice through the uncomfortable silence that had formed but there was still a fear resonating in Marley that made her uneasy. What if he tried to do what he did last week, only this time with a shard of glass instead of the palm of his hand?

_No._ She repeated in her head until she began to believe it. Jake wasn't like that; he never had been. It was a onetime thing and he apologized. Holding a grudge wasn't fair. Besides, now she knew better. She'd avoid his arms if they tried to strike her.

But they wouldn't because he loved her and he told her a countless number of times that he was sorry and that it wouldn't happen again. And she believed him.

X X X

"I just- I don't know what to do." Ryder grumbled some hours later. They were in his backyard getting ready for a party his mom was throwing for one of his cousins. According to him, he wasn't too excited to see the whole family but she could see a brightness in his eye every time he brought it up.

It sounded like he wanted her to offer a suggestion, to give her opinion so he could follow it, but earlier she had been yelled at for doing that very thing. Given, Ryder was more caring than Jake was, at least recently, but she didn't want to take the chance. She sighed as the thought entered her mind. Comparing the two boys had become a normal occurrence for her and it pained her deeply. Ryder was her friend. Jake was her boyfriend. That's how it was always going to be.

Ryder cleared his throat and she looked up at him. He was staring at her with his eyebrows raised slightly and a small smile on his face. "This is the part where you tell me what to do."

"But then how will you learn to make your own decisions?" Marley teased with a small smile of her own. She liked that he wanted to hear an opinion and that he wasn't afraid to ask for it. It made her feel special.

He rolled his eyes playfully as he put a bowl of chips on one of the tables. "But if you don't give me advice how will I know you were _listening?" _

"I think you should stop talking to her." Marley finally said as she smoothed one of the table cloths. Ryder stopped what he was doing and looked at her with a thoughtful expression on his face, practically begging her to explain the reasoning behind her opinion. "I mean, online dating is really dangerous, especially for teenagers."

"I'm not being stupid about it." Ryder mumbled and she could tell that he was somewhat insulted. She wished she never said anything. He was just going to freak out and she had seen enough of that today.

"I'm not saying you are." She continued, sighing when he appeared to want her to say something else. Even though everything in her being was telling her not to, she decided to elaborate. "I just- I mean, what if this girl turns out to be a 50 year old man? Or what if it's just a boy that messing with you?"

Ryder pulled a chair out from one of the tables and sat down. He was frowning but she imagined it was just because he was now thinking about something he didn't even want to imagine. It wasn't a lie when he said he wasn't stupid but that's only because he didn't want to think about the other possibilities. Ryder knew that, or so she thought he did.

"But what if it isn't?" Ryder asked as he finally looked up at her. His eyes were so full of life, so innocent, that Marley had to smile. "What if it's the girl of my dreams and the only thing standing in the way is my fear of her being a pedophile?"

For some reason as he said those words, her throat seemed to swell up and she couldn't help the frown that appeared on her face. "Isn't true love fate? Can't you just say that if you two are meant to be you'll meet and fall madly in love _in person_?"

Ryder seemed to think for a moment before he propped his elbows on the table and put his head in his hands. "She's the first girl I've met here that listens to me besides you."

She wanted to correct him and say that they didn't know if this mystery person was a girl but she resisted, choosing instead to sit down next to him and rub his back. "You'll find someone someday, Ry. But I think it's a bad idea to put all your eggs into this Katie girl's basket."

"That expression doesn't make sense to me. I don't even have eggs." Ryder grumbled as he continued to rest his head. She hated that he was hurting and what made it worse was the fact that he was hurting because of her. It wasn't a secret that the reason he seemed to want to move on quickly was because of what happened on Valentine's Day.

"Ryder! Why are you sitting?" His mother called from the porch. Marley looked up quickly and smiled as Ryder jumped out of his seat. "They're going to be here in under an hour."

"Sorry!" Ryder called back as he continued to put bowls of snacks on each table. Marley followed after him, helping to arrange them so they were perfectly in the center and not just thrown on without a thought. "You don't have to help. You can just sit if you want."

"But then how will I make sure you're doing this right?" Marley teased, trying to make the atmosphere as carefree as it was before she messed it up. He chuckled and she felt him watching her reach out to fix the bowl he had just placed.

"Hey, what happened to your wrist?" He asked suddenly, pointing to the purple and blue marks that were clearly visible.

X X X

"_Jake! Let go of me!" She screamed, trying not to focus on the pain that was shooting through her arm. He didn't care though. Her screams seemed to only make him want to squeeze harder. She tried to jerk away from his grasp but he was much too strong for her. Somehow he had gotten over the Kitty and Puck situation and became fixated on something entirely different. _

"_Here I am thinking Kitty was a slut when it's been you this whole time." He yelled in return, positioning his hand under her chin so he could squeeze her cheeks. Tears escaped her eyes but still it wasn't enough to make him stop. _

"_He just needs help setting up." Marley justified even though she didn't see the point. It didn't appear that anything she had to say would make him stop, which was unfortunate for her. "Ryder and I are _just friends!_" _

_Forcefully he pushed her into the wall and grabbed her hands again. "He won't love you like a love you! He'll hump you and then dump you." _

_Even though Marley highly doubted that, she nodded her head in agreement and instantly felt a small amount of relief rush through her. He had stopped squeezing as hard. "I know that which is why we're just friends. I love you Jake." _

_He let go and she instantly looked down and grabbed her left wrist. They were both red and were both aching but she forced herself to look up. "I'm so sorry Marley. I just don't want you to leave me, especially for him." _

"_I won't." She whispered as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Resting her head on his shoulder, she continued. "I'll love you forever Jake." _

_And she truly thought she would because he was the first boy to ever love her for who she was. He obviously cared a lot about her if he got that upset over her hanging out with another boy. _

_He loved her and she loved him. _

X X X

"Hey, what happened to your wrist?"

Marley looked down at the wrist that was showing and quickly moved to slide the arm of her sweatshirt down to cover it. After she was satisfied, she looked up at him with a small smile on her face. "I burned myself with my curling iron this morning."

Ryder looked unsatisfied. "That didn't look like a burn."

"You didn't see it well enough." She reasoned easily, shrugging her shoulders confidently even though he was still looking at her as if he knew she was lying.

"Then let me see it again."

"It's just a burn. Calm down."

"Your hair isn't even curly." He pressed, pointing to her hair. Instantly, she felt like an idiot because this morning she had straightened her hair for the first time in a while.

"I took a shower after."

"Marley, what really happened?" He asked, tilting his head to the side in the cutest way. But it wasn't cute. Not under these circumstances. Now it was just annoying.

"I told you." She assured him, turning around to fix a bowl on the table behind her. She heard him sigh but decided to ignore it.

"Why can't you just tell me the truth!?" He pleaded finally and she rolled her eyes at his dramatics.

"I did." She urged as she turned once more so she was facing him. With a quick shrug she muttered, "I have to go. I just forgot my mom wants me home by 5."

"It's 3:30."

"Yeah? Well, I have to go because you're annoying me." She admitted even though she was confident he already knew that's why she was leaving.

Without so much as a goodbye, she left his back yard and drove away. Why he thought that he had any right to know anything in her personal life was beyond her. And why he thought he could accuse her of lying also didn't make much sense to her. Friends didn't lie to each other and they certainly didn't call each other out on their lies.

Why couldn't he just see that?

**X X X**

**I realize at this point, Marley is probably annoying you all because of how much she still seems to love Jake. I'm annoyed with her too. BUT we all know how I like to make things as realistic as possible so I asked my cousin (who was kind of in this type of relationship) and then I googled it. **

**So as annoyed as you might feel about Marley continually going back to Jake, it's actually what most girls/guys in abusive relationships do. They either convince themselves that it's done out of love, they're too scared to get out in case of retaliation OR they don't think they'll find someone else (like Bieste in Glee). But most of the time it's a mixture of the three. **

**WHICH is why this has tons more chapters to come. :)**

**Just thought I'd let you all know. **

**Love, Kaylie 3 **


	6. Kindness

"_A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve."_

_- Joseph Joubert –_

Marley took a quick look around before she approached his locker holding a little gift bag filled with his favorite candy. Most of it, she bought this morning but the other night her mom came home with some Skittles that she really had no interest in eating, so Marley stuffed them in the bag. It wasn't much but she hoped it was enough to get him to acknowledge her.

"Hey." She greeted cheerfully, holding the bag behind her back. He looked over at her and frowned before slamming his locker shut. "Jake, you can't be mad at me forever."

"You went to that movie with him; I think I have the right to be pissed." He was all too quick to reply.

Marley raised her eyebrows even though he was no longer looking at her face. She wondered why he always seemed to avoid eye contact when he was angry. When Ryder was upset with her, he searched her eyes, making her feel like her feelings were important. Jake just seemed to ignore them.

But she dealt with his flaws because she loved him.

"Excuse me for thinking you didn't want to see it after you spent half the day yelling at _me_ for your brother's relationship, an _illegal_ relationship if I might add."

After taking a deep breath, she shut her eyes and put her hand to her head. Why was she ruining this? Why was she bringing up the past that she had already gotten over? Or maybe she wasn't over it. Maybe the thought of Jake being jealous of his brother ate her alive, made her stay up at night wondering when he'd call and break up with her. But Jake was good and at the moment she was making it worse.

"Don't be a bitch!" Jake screamed, stepping dangerously close to her so he could tower over her being. She backed up into a locker and dropped the gift bag. Her eyes drifted to the other kids in the hallway who now seemed consumed with her and Jake's personal drama than their own. "You've been acting like a bitch ever since Valentine's Day and I'm fucking sick of it."

"I-I'm sorry, I just-."

"You're not fucking sorry!" The words stung because she had been trying to make it up to him since it happened. She had been trying to make him _see_ how truly sorry she was. "You're just a slut."

His hand raised and she couldn't help but flinch, afraid that maybe he'd hit her again, terrified that he'd make this scene even worse than it was. Maybe this time he'd use his fist and not just slap her like a little girl. The thought gave her strength. He was a coward. She was stronger. She would always be stronger.

She looked up at him ready to respond, ready to tell him off and hurt him like he had just hurt her. But she never got the chance because another boy was currently pulling Jake away from her.

"Come on, dude. Cool off." Ryder advised lowly, patting the boy on the back as Sam waved his hands at the crowd of students that had just formed.

Marley released a shaky breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding. It was weird. None of this felt as real as it truly was. She felt like she was in a movie and that pretty soon the director would yell 'cut', or maybe she was in her favorite book and pretty soon the author would give her a happy ending, one that was filled with Jake and love. But as she watched Jake pull away from Ryder and punch him in the face, she slowly began to get a grip on the reality of the situation.

This wasn't a dream. This wasn't a movie. This wasn't a book.

This was _real_.

And Jake was _really_ pissed at her. Ryder was _really_ on the floor holding his bleeding nose. Teenagers were _really_ gasping and chanting 'fight'. And she was _really_ doing nothing but standing there watching the scene unfold like an idiot.

Almost as if something snapped within her, she pushed Jake back and knelt on the floor beside Ryder. As she grabbed his hand and moved it so she could see his nose, she noticed how calm he was. It was as if he expected to be punched, as if he wanted it. Maybe he did. Maybe Jake punching him gave him a feeling of forgiveness. What he did to Jake by kissing Marley had just been disregarded because now the playing field was even. He hurt Jake. Jake hurt him.

But it didn't make sense to Marley because she was the one who did wrong by both of these boys. She was the one who led Ryder on heartlessly and then selfishly tore him down. She built his feeling up as high as the Empire State building and then grabbed a wrecking ball and made sure they fell to the floor with a loud bang. And she was the one who had done all of that while dating Jake.

Did they feel as guilty as she did?

"It doesn't look broken." Marley whispered as she took her cardigan off and handed it to him. Reluctantly and with some persistence from Marley, he grabbed the article of clothing and held it to his nose. It didn't appear to make him feel any better. In fact, he grimaced slightly. But at the moment, that was the least of her concerns.

"You choose him?" Jake asked lowly, shaking his head in disgust at the two. By this time, most of the kids had found something better to do with their time, like go to class, and except for a few stragglers they were alone in the hallway. "After everything we've been through you choose him?"

His words made her wrinkle her brow in confusion. When did she choose Ryder? What did that even mean? Standing, she shook her head and watched as he took a small step back. "I didn't choose Ryder, Jake. You hit him for no reason."

"He _kissed_ you!" Jake bellowed unable to hold in his anger any more, not that he had particularly been doing a good job of that recently. "He fucking made out with you and you fucking let him!"

"He was just trying to help."

"By teaching you the proper place to put your tongue?" Jake spat back and both Ryder and Marley winced. That's not what it was like, not at all.

"I'm talking about today." Marley replied coolly, taking a deep breath even though she just wanted to scream. She wanted Jake to know that she loved him but she also wanted to yell at him for victimizing himself. "He was stopping you from doing something you know you were going to regret."

Jake narrowed his eyebrows and Marley could tell he was embarrassed but why the hell should she care? "Yeah? Well then thank you man." He mumbled as he redirected his attention to his ex-best friend who was sitting against a locker looking up at the two. "You made me realize that the only thing I'm going to regret from this year is dating this slut."

What surprised Marley wasn't what he said. In fact, she expected them. What surprised her was how unaffected she seemed to be. His words were supposed to hurt and she assumed they would have if they had been said a week ago. But she was numb; numb to the insults. Turning back towards Ryder, she knelt down beside him and made him lift her cardigan from her face. He looked guilty, maybe even guiltier than she felt at the moment.

"Your eye is bruising." She mumbled as she bit her lip. With one last look, she stood up and held her hands out from him to grab. He didn't even seem to think about it before grabbing them and following her down the hallway towards the bathroom. "You should be fine if you put some cold water on it."

As she continued to drag him into the girl's bathroom, he pulled back and shook his head. "You're joking right? I can't go in _there." _

"What? Are you a girl?" She asked with her eyebrows raised. She meant it in the you're-really-this-scared kind of way; only after letting them leave her mouth did she decide it'd be best to think through her words next time she tried to make a joke.

"No, that's why I can't go in there." He mumbled in a tone that made it seem like he thought he knew everything. Tugging a little bit harder, she managed to pull him through the door and over to the sink. "Just for the record, I totally could have fought harder and would not be standing in the middle of the girls' bathroom if I didn't want to be here."

She laughed a little as she motioned for him to sit down on one of the trashcans. She would have suggested the counter but she was already shorter than him, no need to add a counter into the mix. Grabbing a paper towel and soaking it, she looked over to see him rubbing his nose and then looking at his bloody fingers.

As she approached him, he gave her a nervous smile and pushed her hand gently away. "Please don't hurt me."

"I won't." She mumbled as she again tried to apply the paper towel to his face. Once more, he pushed her away. "Ryder, it's going to bruise worse if you don't let me help."

"That's fine." He stood up, forcing her to push him back down. "I guess we're done here."

"Ryder, please." She whimpered, putting her hands together and pouting. He sighed and nodded his head. "Here, I'll distract you with my killer moves."

"Killer moves?" He asked as he cocked his head to the side.

She nodded her head and bit her lip, gently placing the paper towel against his eye, which she now noticed was slightly cut. "So…." She started, trying her best to appear seductive. "Come here often?"

As their laughter filled the room, she couldn't help but feel content. Never had Jake laughed at one of her stupid jokes. The only time he laughed was when she pointed out how stupid her jokes were. Ryder was different. Ryder laughed with her. Jake laughed at her.

But she loved Jake and she knew that if she tried hard enough, he'd be her girlfriend again. He wouldn't think she was a slut, even though at this point she wasn't sure if she was or wasn't.

"You deserve better than him Marley." Ryder whispered as he shut his eyes. Licking her lips, she tried to smile but she couldn't.

She didn't deserve better than Jake. Jake deserved better than her.

**X X X **

**So another moment of Marley's denial but I'm hoping you appreciated the Ryley bathroom scene because I liked writing it. :)**

**Thanks for reviewing and please keep reviewing! It makes me want to write more. Plus, it really helps me improve my writing. **

**Love always, Kaylie**

**PS: I love you all :)**


	7. Illusion

"_Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion."_

_-__ Javan -_

"Baby, can you pass me the remote?" He called from the living room. Dusting her hands on a washcloth, she exited the kitchen and looked at Jake in disbelief. The remote was sitting on the couch opposite of him. Had he already reached the age where he became too lazy to function? Had she already reached the age where she stopped arguing with his demands and just obeyed mindlessly?

Even though her mind was somewhat repulsed by his bossy ways, she crossed the room and handed him the remote. Butterflies filled her stomach when he smiled at her for a few seconds. She'd been missing that smile.

It'd been about a week since the fiasco in the hallway occurred and even though she told him to stop, he just kept apologizing. In reality, it'd only taken the first apology for her to forgive him. It was easier that way and he was a lot happier. If he was happy then she didn't have to worry about him yelling at her or hitting her again. That's how she liked it. It made her think about the early stages of their relationship.

Returning to the kitchen, she smiled when the oven finally dinged, signaling that her pizza had finished cooking. She thanked God that she could finally eat something. Earlier, she woke up too late and had to skip breakfast and they weren't serving anything appetizing at lunch. Ryder, who sat with her at lunch, expressed his concern but she assured him she'd eat as soon as she got home. The only problem with that was Jake had wanted to go biking with her and she didn't want to worry him so she didn't tell him about her empty stomach. She wondered if he would have cared anyway. She knew Ryder would worry if he came over to study later tonight and noticed she _still_ hadn't eaten.

_Stop comparing_. She repeated in her head until she could focus solely on Jake.

"Pizza ready?" Jake whispered into her ear as he snuck up behind her. The gesture was sweet but she nearly burned herself on the oven door. Scowling, she pushed him back and pulled the pizza the rest of the way out of the oven and placed it on the stove top. "Jesus, babe. Calm down."

"You can't sneak up on me when the oven is open." She muttered harshly as she turned to face him. Instantly, she regretted her tone and fought to figure out ways to take it back. Jake didn't deserve to be treated that way. But he didn't even seem to care. She could have burned her _face_ if she had slipped and he was smirking at her like she was a piece of meat. "Sorry."

"So what do you say we go upstairs and make use of that queen bed of yours?" Jake smirked, raising his eyebrows in a way that made him look like a pedophile. She assumed he was trying to look attractive but at this point, with the amount of air in her stomach and therefore lack of anything of substance, she couldn't really tell.

"Not now." She insisted, pushing him away so she could grab two plates from the cabinet. Upon hearing him groan, she rolled her eyes making sure to place the plates carefully on the counter. "I haven't eaten since yesterday."

"Wait, what?" He asked, suddenly more interested in her health than his sex drive. It made her want to smile but she knew these weren't the right circumstances, now could she concentrate on the butterflies in her stomach fluttering because he cared. That could wait. What she needed now was to finish the pizza so she could eat it. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It just-It never came up." As she reached to put the pizza on the plate, he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him. It wasn't forceful. It didn't hurt. She loved the change and that they were getting better. They could be better.

"Babe, you need to tell me when this happens- when you feel insecure."

Maybe it was the fact that she was embarrassed or maybe she didn't like that he wasn't giving her the benefit of the doubt, but his words didn't comfort her like she knew he meant them to. In fact, they just made her blood boil and she pushed him back slightly. "It doesn't matter, anymore. Besides I told Ry-somebody."

Jake narrowed his eyes and Marley took a few steps back, bumping into the counter with a thud. "You told _him?!_ You felt like shit and you felt fat so you went to _him!?" _

"N-no!" She stuttered, shaking her head frantically as he approached her, his fists clenched. "It- it wasn't like that, I swear."

"Why are you playing me, Marley?" He demanded, grabbing the back of her head and pulling it towards his. She thought he was going to kiss her, demand her attention and fight for her love. She was wrong. Instead, he gripped onto her hair and quickly threw her to the ground, her knee hitting the wood painfully. But she didn't scream. She didn't want to give him that pleasure. "Are you fucking him? Is that why you won't show _me_ a good time?"

"Why does it always have to come down to that!?" She screamed, standing up and pushing him backwards with all her strength. She was upset when he only took one step back. Smirking, he stepped forwards as he pushed her back until she hit a wall behind her and had nowhere else to go.

"You like it rough?" He asked, his face dangerously close to hers. "We could make it rough."

Biting her lip, she tried to hold her breath so she didn't have to smell his. It smelled like fish or something worse which made her sick. "Get away from me, Jake. I already told you I'm hungry."

"Ryder didn't seem to care. Why should I?" He tested, raising his eyebrows slightly showing off his cocky personality. Maybe she had thought it was sexy when they first met but now she just wanted to slap it off of his pathetic face.

"He _does_ care about me!" She screamed in his face forcing him to step back slightly. "You're pathetic Jake."

Surprisingly, he didn't say anything and she didn't care like she normally would have. She couldn't care less that he seemed hurt. Why should she care? He didn't love her. Sure, he might have but he seemed to hate her now more than anything and she was sick of pretending that he didn't. As if to prove her point, he balled his fist up and in a second it made contact with the side of her face. With a scream, she fell to the floor and covered her now bleeding nose with her hand.

"You think he loves you?" Jake asked as he bent down. She grimaced as his breath his her face. "Bullshit. You're unlovable."

After kicking her twice, he turned and walked away, slamming the front door on the way out. As the bang sounded throughout the house, she broke down. The tears came faster than she ever could have imagined but their reasoning was unknown. Was she crying because she just lost Jake or was it because she was in physical pain? Maybe it was because she had just realized that her boyfriend was more of a monster than she originally thought.

How could she have been this stupid for so long? She had always been the type of girl who watched stories on the news about abusive relationships and known she'd get out of one as soon as he hit her. But now she was one of them. She ignored the signs, ignored the pain. She convinced herself that Jake hit her. She denied everything.

How did she let that happen to her? To them?

She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there but it was enough time for the pizza to become too cold to eat. The doorbell rang but she didn't want to answer it. She knew who it was and she knew all the questions he was going to ask, with the answers she didn't even want to give herself. But still, she stood up, gripping onto the counter for dear life as pain ripped through her entire being.

The taste of her own blood filled her mouth, sending her taste buds into a frenzy. She hated the coppery taste it brought, which is why when she was a kid she hated losing her teeth. The quarter she'd find under her pillow the next morning was not worth the nauseous feeling she always got upon tasting the blood.

Fighting through it, she opened the door slowly and backed up until she was leaning against the wall. He didn't walk in at first and she wondered if it was because he was confused but when she slid down the wall and her butt hit the ground, he stepped inside. She looked up at him as his eyes looked over her. He looked absolutely horrified and she wondered if Jake had been right, if Ryder really didn't care.

But those thoughts soon vanished once Ryder bent down next to her and brushed his fingers over her face. "Marls, what happened?"

"It was never real." She whispered as a wave of tears escaped her eyes. Maybe it was her empty stomach or maybe it was because of the blood in her mouth, but without another thought she bent over to the side and threw up. Almost immediately, Ryder sat on the other side of her and pulled her into a tight hug, rubbing her back and making her feel a little bit better.

But that little bit was almost enough.

**X X X **

**So Marley is **_**finally**_** out of the denial stage! Thank goodness! She was really starting to bother me there. So I'm trying to make this as realistic as possible which is a little hard when you've never been in this type of relationship. BUT I do know someone who has when she was younger so I'm using some of what she told me to write Marley's thoughts and Jake's actions. **

**Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing! You guys are super amazing and I love you more than life. :)**

**Sorry this wasn't out yesterday. I've been really busy but I think this one is longer than most so there you go :) Sorry again**

**Please keep reviewing. It makes my day, I swear. :)**


	8. Trust

"_Broken trust and anger will close a heart until honesty and love is once again found."_

_- Unknown –_

Marley scanned the halls between periods, trying to scope the halls for either boy. Her heart thudded as she saw one of them flirting with the usual blonde he could be seen hanging out with when he wasn't with Marley. She wondered if even when they had been dating, even though it wasn't too long ago, he'd always wanted to be with a blonde. He appeared to like them better than her.

In all honesty, though, she wasn't as nervous to see Jake as she was to see Ryder. Although he had helped her clean herself up, he didn't appear to want anything to do with after that. In fact, when she tried to call him on yesterday to see if he wanted to study with her, it went straight to voicemail every time.

And now? The Monday after the fact, she still hadn't heard from him. Sure, she said things and then he said things that maybe neither of them meant, but she thought their friendship meant more to him than this.

More than this seemingly stupid fight.

It was stupid to her but was it fair to say it was stupid in general? Maybe Ryder thought this was an important argument, one that he couldn't fathom ever getting over. Should she really stand in the way and act like it wasn't as big of a deal as he thought it was? She wasn't sure, but as she made her way into Mr. Schuester's class and saw him sitting there with his head in his hands, she seemingly forgot everything and smiled.

"Hey." She whispered as she passed him. He looked up from his book but quickly returned his focus to whatever it was he was reading about. As much as she wanted to think that maybe he was just really interested in what they were learning, she knew it was because he wasn't in the mood to talk to her. "I haven't talked to you all weekend."

Maybe if she broke the tension and referenced the problem right off the bat, he'd know she was sorry. But she didn't know what exactly she should have been sorry for. With a sigh, he glanced up from his book and turned around. "Have you told your mom yet?"

"Well, no but-."

"Have you told anyone?" He asked, much like he did last night in her foyer. As she sighed, she noticed him roll his eyes slightly. "You _have_ to tell someone, at least your mom."

"I did. I told you." Her answer didn't seem to grant him any comfort but it was the only answer she knew was true. When he walked into her house, she could have lied again. Even he said she could have lied again. But she didn't because she trusted him.

Now looking back on it, she wasn't sure whether that was the case anymore. "I just don't want you to get any more hurt than you already are."

He didn't know the half of what he thought he did. And boy did he think he knew everything.

X X X

_"It was never real." She whispered as a wave of tears escaped her eyes. Maybe it was her empty stomach or maybe it was because of the blood in her mouth, but without another thought she bent over to the side and threw up. Almost immediately, Ryder sat on the other side of her and pulled her into a tight hug, rubbing her back and making her feel a little bit better._

_But that little bit was almost enough._

_Again, time was lost on her because what felt like only seconds later but was really about an hour, he was standing up, helping her up along with him. "Let's get you cleaned up." _

"_My-my dog kind of went crazy and attacked me." She wasn't sure what made her open her mouth in the first place let alone spit out a lie. It was Ryder. Just Ryder. But as she limped towards the kitchen with his arms holding her up, she felt him judging her. She felt him slowly losing respect for her because she stayed with the boy who made her feel like complete and utter crap. _

_Who does that? _

"_Have you eaten?" His complete disregard for her previous statement made her slightly uneasy but still she shook her head as he lifted her up and set her down so she was sitting on the counter. As he nodded his head, he began scanning the countertops for something, but she wasn't sure what. "You like toast?" _

"_Not-." _

"_Well too bad. That's all I know how to make." He said with a small smile on his face even though she could see right through it. It was a mask, one he could typically be found sporting whenever he used to hang out with both Marley and Jake. After he crossed the kitchen and placed two pieces of bread into the toaster, he turned around and smirked at her. "Don't worry though. I'm a master chef." _

_Not being able to mutter a simple joke, she just nodded her head and tried her hardest to avoid eye contact. It wasn't hard. He didn't seem to want to make it either. She watched as he looked around again and picked up a washcloth. It was one her mother used to retrieve hot plates from the oven. She would have advised him to use a different one but he was already running it under cold water. _

"_Your dog, huh?" He asked as he stood in front of her. She didn't respond as she squeezed the countertop to prepare for him to press it against her eye. "Stop lying to me, Marls. What really happened?" _

_Scrunching her eyebrows she suddenly felt rage take over her being. Here she was in excruciating pain and he had the nerve to accuse her of lying? Again? When had their friendship become this? When did he stop trusting her? _

"_I'm not." She stated firmly, crossing her arms. What frustrated her the most wasn't even what he said; it was how he said it. It was as if he _knew_ for a fact she was lying. He had absolutely no trust in her. And now instead of apologizing, he was looking at her arms. Why was he looking at her arms? _

_Before she could ask him, he looked up at her, this time being careful _not_ to avoid eye contact. "Marley, you don't _have_ a dog." _

"_Y-yeah I do. I just got hi-." _

"_Marley…" He interrupted softly, brushing some of her hair behind her ear. "You don't have to tell me but for Gods sake, stop lying to me." _

_Searching his eyes for some sign of judgment, she only came across nervousness. He was nervous? Why? She couldn't say. Did she look as nervous as he seemed to be? Shaking the thought from her head, she let out a small groan. "It was Jake." _

"_He did this?" Ryder asked carefully, his eyes scanning her slowly. It was a far calmer reaction than she had been expecting. Maybe Jake's theories had been right all along. Maybe he really didn't care about her as she thought he did. "How many times?" _

"_A few…" _

"_You let him do this more than once?" Ryder asked and although she knew he wanted an honest answer, she couldn't help but feel like the pure look of pain on his face meant she should lie. There she was again, hurting the people she cared about. "But why?" _

_She leaned backwards and rested her head on the wall. Why? Why had she let it get so out of hand? Why didn't she leave him sooner? The answers she had been supplying her mind continuously for the past few weeks somehow felt weak now. She had claimed he loved her. But that wasn't valid. She said that he was worth it. But was he? If all of that was true then why on earth couldn't she form a sentence to explain her reasoning? Why did she stay?_

"_He said he loved me." Marley answered finally sensing Ryder's impatience. _

_With a shake of his head, he grabbed a bag of frozen peas and wrapped them in another washcloth. Gently, he touched them to her face and she shut her eyes at the pressure. "Marley, do you remember when I told you that you deserved better than him?" _

_She regretted opening her eyes the moment she saw his brown ones staring into hers. "Yeah." _

"_Why don't you believe me?" _

_The question was simple and the way he asked it was sweet. But beyond the loving feeling she felt when his words entered her brain; the question posed a serious thought. Why on earth did she think that he was everything she needed? He hit her. He insulted her. He just kicked her. But she still felt unworthy of his love. Why was that. _

_As she thought about the answer, he seemed to grow impatient. "Well, have you told anyone? Your mom? Ms. Pillsbury?" She shook her head. How could she? Ryder was only her friend, someone she had just met this year and he was disappointed in her. How could she risk her mom finding out? She had already put her through hell with the eating disorder ordeal earlier in the school year. If she told her about Jake, there was no way her mom would ever trust her again. "I think you should." _

"_No." _

"_But Marls…" The boy was pleading, begging her to listen to him. She wondered why he cared so much if anyone else knew. Maybe this was his revenge. She picked Jake and now he was trying to make sure everyone around her knew how stupid she truly was. _

"_No, Ryder!" Her voice was sharp, piercing the calm atmosphere the two had created. "I'm not telling everyone so they can judge me again." _

"_They can help." _

_She wanted to believe him, to trust that what he was saying was real and honest. But it wasn't. The world was cold. It was cruel. Nobody was going to help her. They were going to judge her and make her feel like crap so maybe they could feel better about the good-for-nothing lives they were living. They'd compare themselves to her in order to make themselves feel better. She knew that and it was time Ryder did too. "Maybe you're too stupid to understand, but nobody is going to help me." _

_He opened his mouth to protest, or so she thought he was going to, but almost as quickly as he opened it, he shut it. Staring at her carefully, he removed the frozen peas from her eye and put it down on the counter. "I'm helping you, aren't I?" _

"_You're not important." She quipped, only registering what she said after she saw his face drop. With a sigh she ran one of her hands through her hair. "Ry, that's not what I-." _

_Backing up, he shook his head and licked his lips. "I think you should tell your mom when she gets home but I gotta go. I have to do that homework for Mr. Schue." _

"_Ryder, wait." _

"_No, no. It's cool." _

_She watched him grab his backpack from the ground by the stairs and walk out of the house. Her heart broke all over again and she couldn't stop the rush of tears that escaped her eyes. Why was she pushing him away? Why did she let him leave? They didn't even have homework for Mr. Schuester's class. _

_With a groan, she threw her head back, cringing as it hit the wall behind her with a bang. Quickly, she grabbed the peas and placed them on the back of her head. What had she done to deserve this life?_

X X X

Now looking back on it, she wasn't sure whether that was the case anymore. "I just don't want you to get any more hurt than you already are."

He didn't know the half of what he thought he did. And boy did he think he knew everything.

"Ryder, it's just- it's complicated. You know?"

"Right…" He nodded his head and licked his lips again. It wasn't the right time or place but she couldn't help but want her to kiss him with those lips… again. Shaking her head of the thought, she refocused her attention on what those lips were saying. "I'm too stupid to understand. Yeah, you already told me that."

"No, Ryder that's not what I-"

Shaking his head, he turned so he was facing the board again. Although he wasn't facing her, she could still hear him whisper, "It's exactly what you meant."

She didn't have the energy nor was it the time or place to respond so she opened her binder and started doodling. Later, when they were studying in the library during free period, she'd talk to him again. She'd make him see that telling people would just cause more harm than anything. It would be her goal to make him trust her again.

They could go back in time to when things were easy. It wouldn't be hard. She just had to get him to trust her. That's exactly what she'd do.

**X X X **

**So there's chapter 8. I'm so sorry that there was such a long delay. Two weeks actually. I've just been really busy and I'm trying to keep my other story on schedule and it's just a little bit of a hard time for me recently. So I apologize and I hope you forgive me. **

**I can no longer update this story twice a week like I was doing before. I'm getting too busy with school so instead of Wednesdays and Saturdays, I'm just going to update on Saturday, skipping this week to move into school. So you can expect another update on August 31. **

**Again, I'm really sorry. **

**Love, Kaylie**


	9. Burned

"_Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." _

_- Buddha -_

Glee club came a lot faster that day than it normally did. Marley imagined it was probably weird for the other kids to see Jake, Ryder and herself sitting as far away from each other as possible. Although over the past few weeks they had gotten used to the idea of Ryder and Jake not being friends anymore. Marley even heard Tina mention that she saw that coming from a mile away.

"Hey Mr. Schue?" Jake asked once the man walked through the door. Without even thinking about it, Mr. Schuester nodded his head at Jake for him to ask whatever it was he wanted to ask. Marley fought with every ounce of energy she had to keep her eyes forward and off of Jake. "Can I sing something? It's kind of important."

Although he seemed reluctant because of the approaching Regionals competition, he nodded his head and Jake took his spot in the center of the room. Quickly, he motioned for one of the old seniors to stand next to him. Marley recognized the other boy immediately as Mike Chang, or as some other select people prefer to call him, the other Asian.

"_You were my sun. You were my Earth. But you didn't know all the ways I loved you, no."_

Jake started, swaying back and forth to the slow beat.

"_So you took a chance and made other plans. _

_But I bet you didn't think they would come crashing down, no."_

There was a loud, obnoxious scoff heard and Marley turned to see Ryder rolling his eyes while shaking his head. Sam, another boy who Marley knew was friends with both boys, turned to look at him with a questioning look. Jake didn't seem to be bothered by any of the other members of Glee club. His eyes seemed to be fixated on Marley.

The beat of the song changed slightly and Jake and Mike started dancing.

"_You don't have to say what you did. I already know. _

_I found out from him. Now there's just no chance for you and me. _

_There'll never be and don't it make you sad about it?"_

Marley seemed to grasp the concept of the song and suddenly her blood was boiling. How dare he pretend like everything was her fault; like everything was _always_ her fault? He was in the wrong too, wasn't he? That's what Ryder seemed to think. As the other boy flashed into her memory, she turned to see him staring back at her. In fact, everyone was staring right back at her. Did everyone know the song was about her?

Of course they did. Although it killed his reputation a little bit, Jake made _sure_ everyone knew which left both Marley and Ryder a little ostracized from the rest of the club. After all, cheaters suck, right? It doesn't matter what Jake ever did to her. What mattered was the fact that after everything, Marley cheated.

"_You told me you loved me_

_So why did you leave me, all alone?_

_Now you tell me you need me when you call me on the phone. _

_Marls, I refuse, you must have me confused_

_With some other guy. _

_Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn_

_To cry, cry my a river. _

_Cry me a Ri-"_

The song was interrupted, luckily, by a very upset Ryder. Although she didn't appreciate Ryder sticking up for her at this exact moment, she was relieved to hear Jake stop singing.

"I'm sorry but this is bullshit!" Ryder muttered, shaking his head at the boy who had just finished dancing in front of him. Marley turned towards Mr. Schuester, who seemed intrigued yet worried, at the situation in front of him. Finn, who was sitting idly playing with his clip-on tie, turned towards the boy, confused by his outburst.

The only three in the room who weren't confused were Ryder, Marley and Jake. Marley prayed it'd stay that way.

Marley turned just in time to see Jake bite his lip and turn helplessly toward Mr. Schuester. "Sorry, I just needed to express my feelings and through song is the only way I know how."

Marley narrowed her eyes at the boy's failed attempt to come off as shy. Clearly, nobody believed him. It wasn't in Jake's nature to be upset; it wasn't in his nature to be affected by other people's words. Mr. Schuester, however, didn't see it that way as he turned angrily back towards Ryder. "I think you need to take a walk."

Ryder chuckled dryly as he turned to face Marley. Suddenly, his eyes flashed and she sensed he was about to do something she knew _she_ would regret, but before she could stop him, he was saying, "You've got to be fucking shitting me! He _hit_ her!"

Marley's eyes shut painfully as she was sure everyone turned to look at her. She could hear people gasping and the sound of a chair, she presumed belonged to either Mr. Schuester or Finn, being pushed as whoever the occupant was stood. As she opened her eyes, she saw Finn standing over her with a look of concern.

"Marley, is that true?"

Glancing to her left, where everyone was sitting, she suddenly was reminded of the time in the choir room back after she fainted. Sure, they may have been concerned but on top of that, was a feeling of judgment. They were judging her. She was weak to them. She was less than them. But she wouldn't let that happen again. She couldn't.

With one last sad glance towards Ryder, she shook her head and muttered, "No. I have no idea what he's talking about."

She could see Jake standing behind Finn with a look of pride on his face. Suddenly the tables turned and nobody was staring at _her_ anymore. They were staring at Ryder. His mouth was somewhat open, probably because he had thought she'd stick up for him; for herself. But she didn't and although she knew she would have, she was relieved when she realized nobody was judging _her_. They were judging Ryder.

It was her fault but at that moment, she was content; content with being the wallflower she loved being. And for once, she didn't care what Ryder was feeling, even though it made her sick to admit that. At least their negative attention wasn't on her.

"I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Mr. Schuester said, in regards to this new revelation that Ryder was lying. "Interrupting is one thing, but accusing someone of something that serious is intolerable."

Ryder's mouth hung open slightly, as he turned to his fellow Glee club members for support. Even Sam, one of Ryder's best friends, shook his head in disappointment. Sighing, Ryder stood up and awkwardly walked towards the door, stopping just in front of Finn.

Marley's heart broke when she heard Finn mutter, "Sorry dude but you don't do that."

She didn't take pride in seeing Ryder in pain. It didn't make her happy or amused in any sense. It made her feel like crap. Why was she being the girl that hurt everyone around her? She hurt her mom and her friends when she forced herself to throw up. She hurt Jake when she let Ryder kiss her. She hurt Ryder just now.

Why couldn't she just be nice to those around her and make them feel good? She figured she'd be wondering that for the rest of her life, however long that may be.

She was selfish, sure, and she was upset. But she knew deep down that she had no right to be. After all, it was Ryder who got burned.

**X X X **

**So there you have another chapter. I'm sorry for the delay. If you read 'Carry On' you'll know that I'm going to try to keep these stories to a ten day schedule until I can manage to update weekly. **

**So until then, I hope you guys have been doing well and I hope you review. **

**Song: **_Cry Me A River _by Justin Timberlake

**Thanks for all the support and I hope you're weekends are going fantastically. **

**Love, Kaylie**


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